Behind The Song: Your Difficult Decision

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Your Difficult Decision was the last of the pro-life songs I wrote last year. Having set myself a goal of writing four during the school summer holidays I found myself having to squeeze writing time in between leading rock band workshops. The song started in a deserted school playground, taking an acoustic guitar out during lunch hours.

The initial premise was that choosing to have an abortion is often spoken of as having to make a difficult decision with the implication being that because it is so heart-rending it is above criticism. But with every decision there is the possibility of making the wrong choice. But that idea fell by the wayside, as did the original angle for the whole project, which was to write from the point of view of the unborn. Your Difficult Decision ended up being ‘narrated’ by an impartial observer. Sometimes a song has it’s own idea of what it wants to be and you can bang you head against the brick wall or just let it get it’s own way.

The whole thing was a struggle to write and record. I finished recording it just before midnight on my final day but had to go back a redo it from scratch later anyway.

I really had my doubts about the degree of moral neutrality in the lyrics. It’s not child centred at all and there is nothing in the song that even hints that abortion is killing a person until the final lines “It’s your decision…Baby don’t get a say, but you can ask her someday if she thinks you made the right decision.” Even the ‘two people’ in the bridge whose fate is being decided could be misconstrued as being the mother and father, when they are actually the mother and child.

Writing songs like these can seem like an attempt to be holier than thou. I have nothing to be proud of. God has given me, against all odds, a stable family life with four kids and a wife who is far better than I deserve. But as a young man I would have made the man in this song look like a saint. I wouldn’t have promised my support “whatever you decide” while secretly crossing my fingers that my partner would choose an abortion. I would have actively campaigned for it and threatened my complete lack of support if the pregnancy went full term. I wanted the freedom to live in a totally self centred way, without having to consider the needs of anyone else and abortion was for me the final get out of jail free card. God showed me incredible mercy in not giving me the opportunity to add this sin to my many others.

I pray God would use this song to help somebody make the right decision.

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